twice t0o many times...

hmm...how am i going to start this..it's kinda embarassing..but that's the fact. i cried twice last week in school.

the first one was during my seni class-1 maju, on 12 august 2009.i'm tired of giving instruction. so finally, while going to the back of the class, i cried.the forever-noisy class suddenly in a silent mode once they realized that im crying. they had no idea who made me cry.lol..i think that's the best way. so that i don have to giv them reason.but at least, they no longer make noise like always. when i said 'keep quiet', then they did.this really makes my life easier..hoho!

second time, on 14 august 2009, i cried while talking wif ma supervisor, mis azy, after the observation for 2 ilmu,during recess, right in front of the school office.IT'S PUBLIC!!!! i cant believe maself for doing it.but i cannot hold it anymore.that's waht i feel at the moment.im trying to swallow back ma tears but i cant.so, i broke down there..lots of ma students were passing us by.all of 'em didnt dare to look at me..haha!!we were supposed to have assembly for merdeka right after recess, but i spent the whole assembly time in the teacher's toilet, trying to gather up ma strength n think positive about the whole thing. 

after the assembly, i stayed in staff room, doing wut i can..when i suddenly saw Jareb n Sharul came. but they did not come to me..thank God coz i'll be clueless to respond then. i kept on writing in ma study planner while listening to ma handphone- 2ne1's pretty boy.then someone approached me.it's Goh Hui Er..one of ma students in 2 ilmu. i low the volume so that i can hear her. i saw Syarul, Kiren and Jareb came wif her. She said, "teacher, we saw u crying just now. we just want to know why are u crying?" i was like 'OMG, wut am i going to say???'..lastly, i said "nothing.it's ok. don worry" then she still tried, "no, we're just want to know why u're crying?" from her question, i know she's worried if it was because of her class that i cried. so, i replied, "no.nothing. just let bygones be bygones" i looked at the clock. it's still early before 6:40pm. so i asked them whether they had class right now n go back to their class. so that's it..i was so moved. coz i don expect them to come to me.it shows that they concern bout me..i'll keep this as memory for the rest of ma life.

i cried twice already since i stepped ma feet in STAR.n it's in the same week.aigoo...nomu changpihae!!i hope i'll be stronger after this. CL처럼 영원히 되고 싶어!!아말, 힘내!!!세상이 이렇게요..놀자!!!!!!!! TWICE.twice t0o many times.i hope that was the last time...

plus, im worried others will think that ma supervisor treat me badly for i cried while i was wif her.thinking back, i think, i'm so selfish. i didnt think of her situation. people looking at us.(of coz lor, coz i cried in public kot!!lol) others might make up their own story without knowing what's really happening. even zaida's student was asking about me coz he saw im crying.double ashame!!im sorry mis azy.but i'll try to make it up if they ask me.coz actually, im soooooooo grateful for having u as ma supervisor!mis azy, u are the best supervisor!!i can say this wif confidence!for i know im lucky to have u as ma supervisor..thanx for everything. i hope the last observation next week will be better...